Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Dear Readers,

I know we just went through this but this time I'm for realzies ending this blog.

I could continue to go on about what a creep Dustin Diamond was on Celebrity Fit Club ( I am ashamed to admit I watched it this weekend), or how disgusting it is that OJ Simpson still gets any media attention ( he is rumored to be contemplating suicide, wonder why) or that new sad excuse for an NBC show Age of Love ( I thought I could handle any reality ridiculousness but after the "cougars" were pitted against "the kittens" I had to shut it off) but really though, I think we all get it and frankly I am sick of talking about it day after day.

A big thanks to all of you who've enjoyed Dear Douchebag for the past year. Hopefully this summer a new annyoingly over-used insult word will sweep the nation and take the place of douchebag. I assume if any word were to take the place of douchebag it'll have to involve the word bag like douche bag, dirt bag, sleaze bag, ho bag. Perhaps colostomy bag will take the cake?

"Dude, you are such a c-bag for spilling Bacardi Limon all over my Camaro!"

Who knows.

What I do know is you can read stuff from me every other week at The and starting in late August I'll be writing for And if you're in major Giulia withdrawl check out for updates on other writing thingys in the works plus live show dates and videos. Also stay tuned for my newest work in progress web project

Be nice.

Love Always,

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Dear Friends,

In lieu of a letter I am sending you off to read something neato that I wrote at and something super cool I posted at Enjoy!

Love Always,

Monday, June 11, 2007

Dear Sopranos and/or anti-Sopranos groups,

I have The Sopranos finale and second to last episode DVR'd but can't get to it till Friday and it's hell avoiding Yahoo entertainment headlines and other pop culture news. Thus my avoidance of such gossip is greatly going to affect my blog posts this week. I mean I am sure the Sopranos buzz with die, but I am so damn scared that somehow, someone is going to blow it for me or rather my compulsive clicks will blow it for myself.

While we are on the topic, I'd like to take this time to discuss the intense likeness of my family to the Soprano family minus the crime of course, unless being adorable is a crime. (Yeah I did just say that).

We are quite like them.

I mean my mom doesn't wear velour jumpsuits and get manicures (oh how I wish she did). She much prefers my sisters old Z Cavarechi pants paired with my old "Unbutton Your Fly" t-shirt as her housewife-ing uniform.

My dad doesn't splurge on lavish steak dinners and Glenn Levit (oh how I wish he did). He can satisfy his taste buds quite nicely by filling up on treats served at Bank Openings and Hardware store hotdog bbq's. Toss him a can of Miller high life he's all set.

We don't have anyone in the family with Paulie's skunk hair (oh how I really really really wish we did). My parents did however force a painfully ambiguous bowl-cut on my poor sister from ages 2-13 despite her pleas to please, please let her grow a more girly cut. (My parents still will not disclose their reasoning for making their first-born daughter look their first-born son. Instead they do a denial song and dance when looking at old photos of my sister saying "Ha! She sure looked like a boy, huh? Why is that?")

So no, my family doesn't have all that badass stuff that makes the Sopranos so sexy but they do have the attitude.

Back when Italian organizations were stomping their feet over the unfair and wrong portrayal of Italian-Americans on TV and film (namely the Sopranos) I was dumbfounded. The NIAF was upset claiming that an overwhelming 73 percent (of entertainment outlets) portray Italians in a negative light as boors, bigots, or gangsters, but it’s not negative its pretty damn right on. (Again minus the gangster/crime thing).

Perhaps boor (a person with rude, clumsy manners and little refinement- I had to Google it) and bigot are harsh. Perhaps it doesn't pertain to ALL Italians but from what I've seen (and as a first-generation Ital I've seen lots) the boor part makes sense. I mean my dad screamed "Slow down!" to my sister as she read her beautiful speech at my wedding. The room was silent, people were tearing up, my heart was beaming, the moment was gorgeous only to be interrupted by a loud, half-kidding, half-thinking he was being truly helpful, roar.

Now while my daddy is a successful, intelligent, very funny bright man he is also as Italian media has said, rude with clumsy manners, little refinemnet plus a lil' wonky on the social skills with a dash of unfiltered almost turrets-like bluntness. Therefore based on one person, it my conslusion that the boor stereo-type is true. (Whoa, I guess I am a bigot and boor as well).

And it's not just limited to my culture as we've all been witness to what is preserved as painfully rude behaviors from foreigners. Between the language barriers (or "pretend language barriers" as my folks are still playing the " I no understand" card after 30+ years in America) and the sense of immigrant entitlement (a whole other topic to explore in a later piece/post I am sure) old school peeps from other countries can be a bit or a boor. (Perhaps this where Sasha Baron Cohen got the name for Bor-at? No? Anyone?) And I certainly don't mean boor as in bore because while my immigrant folks (and perhaps your parents or grandparents as well) can be quite shocking and unknowingly foot-in-mouth, they are always interesting (and I already said adorable, right?)

Love Always,

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Dear Loves,

I'll be writing weekly pieces for the blog. Check out my debut ditty about spelling and stupidity at Enjoy!

Love Always,

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Dear Poison,

Oh no, oh no, no, no! You've become a cover band? My favorite band in 6th grade? The stars of my first sexual fantasy (minus Bobby, sorry I just wasn't that into brunette headbangers at age 12)? My hard rockin', ass kickin', hot pink lipstick wearin' hair band lovers are doing renditions of "Just What I Needed" and "Little Willy"???

It's bad enough that Bret Michaels is starring ina new reality show to find true love, now you and the boys have released a collection of cover tunes cleverly titled Poison'd.

I mean who am I to judge what rockstars should do once they get past age 45? I mean Aerosmith and The Rolling Stones still manage to rock, why not Poison?

Oh wait, perhaps it's because Aerosmith and The Rolling Stones are playing their own music! You boys have become a wedding band! Perhaps you could do a Poison'd cover of "Hot, Hot, Hot" or "The Chicken Dance"?

Clearly this letter has probably put our MySpace friendship at risk. I totally understand if you want to delete me as a friend. But please, understand I write to you as a friend. I am not sure why no one else has told you this yet but you can do better! Or you could also do other! I mean CC kicked some reality ass in those Surreal Life competitions. And Rikki's a pretty awesome artist. You have had long, wonderful careers. You have relationships, families, friends. You have money ( I hope). You have history. You have rocked. You've created good music. You've done so much, but covers are certainly not "What I Like About You."

Love Always,