Thursday, August 20, 2009

Dear Subway Acrobats,

While I may be sincerely impressed with your one handed back flips, please don't do them on the subway. It's already very crowded on this car and frankly, there is little to no room for you and 14 of your pals to breakdance.

Am I wrong for hoping one your heads slams hits the floor knockin' while you be body rockin? I don't want you to be seriously injured, I swear I am not that mean. I just want the universe to give you a little warning that the subway is not the place for putting on such an elaborate show. Why should we, the passengers, have to move from where we are standing so that you can force us to watch you do cartwheels to Kool Mo Dee mixes. I like cartwheels and I like Kool Mo Dee, just not on my train ride please. I mean really, look how cramped it is:

And while we're at it, I'm not going to buy a candy bar to support your highschool basketball team. You look like you're 35 which means your clearly lying and not in highschool or if at 35, you are in highschool I think selling candy is the least of your problems.

Please boyz, dance, flip, skip, bump, jump, whatever you wanna do, just please do it where there is room to move. Heck, do it and do it well above ground and I'll even put a dollar or two in your hat. But please, leave the subway space free for people to stand, I'd prefer not to be squashed between the subway doors and an extremely soaking-wet, saturated, stinky, sweaty sweaty, sweat, "I-hope-that's-his-cell-phone-poking-against-my-thing" sweaty man.

Love Always,

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