Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Dear Dude Requesting Me on Facebook,

I'm sure you are great. Really, Kenny or Denny or Benny (which all seem to be the names of strangers who send me such requests) you seem wonderful, truly. I mean, kudos to you for wanting to make my cyber-acquaintance. I'm always flattered when someone wants to be my friend whether it's based on genuine real-life interactions or simply cause my photo looks fun on a networking site. I mean that. I am a sucker for attention. And since I do put myself out there in the public eye and mostly use Facebook as a tool to shamelessly and shamefully promote my shows, writing, etc etc, I often accept friendship requests from strangers. I encourage people who like my work to connect with me online.

However today, I clicked "ignore" to you. I left you lingering in my requests lists for weeks because frankly, I hate saying no. I mean it's not just "no" it's "no" right to your face, literally, your little face is just pasted there next to your sweet plea of "confirm! confirm!" Don't get me wrong, you, with all those tattoos and that sultry spiked (are those frosted tips?) hair, I'm sure you are a super A+ sorta guy. Oh sketchy looking stranger, maybe if you were wearing a shirt in your profile pic I would have confirmed your friendship request. That, and maybe if you weren't also holding your daughter ( I assume it's your daughter) in such a sexy-ish? shot.

Again, I'm sure you meant no harm in wanting me to be your 7th friend but I just can't do it. The last time I confirmed friendship with a similar looking shirtless character who lived in Lebanon, I soon after got an email from the fellow saying "you look very senzual, can I take you out on a date?" Now I assume he meant "sensual." That, or he was referring to this random musical duo:

Whatever the case may be, I had to delete Mr. Middle East because I just don't want that sort of Internet interaction in my life. And since you and he both seem to hate clothing, which clearly means you are both totally like twins, I also don't want to interact with you. Unless of course you perhaps toss on a tank top, then maybe you can have the pleasure of knowing vital info about me like "Giulia took the Which Horse Are You Quiz? Result is Appaloosa."

Love Always,

ps. This rule does not go for women with topless profile pics. You gals can request me all you'd like. Yea! Bring it! Dat's what I'm talkin' about!
pss. That last ps. was a joke. I just want to see what it felt like to be really creepy. And what I learned is it feels gross to be really creepy.

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